


Nothing's Fair In Love and War [A K Project Ficlet]

by UniqueMeKylieBWrites



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Death, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Character Death, K Project - Freeform, M/M, Post-Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War, admin kai, implied PTSD, k - Freeform, k anime - Freeform, k project imagines, k project scenarios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 17:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18298856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniqueMeKylieBWrites/pseuds/UniqueMeKylieBWrites
Summary: Yashiro's male lover (the reader) goes through his stuff after tragedy destroys their relationship.Angst, Sorrow, Implied PTSD, Mourning/Grief, War, Major Character Death, Male! Reader(Please feel free to read this even if you aren't male identifying~)





	Nothing's Fair In Love and War [A K Project Ficlet]

**Author's Note:**

> (I'll just say listening to sad music really emphasizes the feeling in the piece. I listened to the following link on loop as I wrote this, so feel free to do so as well~)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbOEBN_4Hrw

You really didn’t want to be doing this. Not now, not ever. It would hurt too much. However, since you were the closest to him, the higher ups had assigned you to do it. In the end, you figured it would be best that you do it and not someone else. Even now, after he was gone, you were still as possessive of him as you always were.

You sighed heavily to yourself as you finished up one of the drawers of his dresser. You could feel sprays of ocean water brush against your face through the porthole that you had propped open. Shiro was lucky that he got a porthole in his bunker. You definitely needed the air. You then proceeded to the bottom drawer, and you took a deep breath. You knew from your many late night rendezvous’ that this drawer was where he kept all of his sentimental possessions, like letters, some books he was extremely fond of, etc. You also knew that this was going to be one of the hard parts of this whole thing, which would also include the few outfits of his own clothing he had and his cologne.

Steeling yourself, you pulled open the drawer and smiled a little at the sight of the top layer of items. There were two thick stacks of letters that you had given to him, being held together by some brown string, which you stuffed into your bag, knowing that you wanted to keep them so that they would go with the ones he had given you. Then there were some books which you put into a donation box that would go out to the mainland; they just weren’t your genre of choice.

As you continued on, there were things that you either put into the box, or into your bag, either for yourself or to send to one of his loved ones back home. Sorting through this particular drawer was easier than you thought it would be, that is, until you came to a small wooden box in the back of the drawer. You had never seen it before, and he had never shown it to you. With intense curiosity, you picked it up and set it in your lap before snapping the small clasp open. After lifting the lid, what you saw inside made your heart pound hard in your chest and caused you to swallow hard. Yes, Shiro had kept things of your relationship, but you didn’t think he kept anything separate from the rest.

Inside the box, were many pictures of you both (which was understandable as not many of your comrades had known about you two), a ring that you had given him, ticket stubs from a few of your movie dates before shipping out, and countless other little bits that were familiar. However, underneath all of that at the very bottom was a picture of you both when you were best friends in elementary school and a tiny, orange, plastic water gun. You were shocked to say the least. You had no idea that he had kept these all these years. You gingerly took the two items out of the box with shaking hands, looking at them in wide-eyed surprise. You could remember the day you first met Shiro clear as day...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey!~ It’s super hot out, wanna play water guns?~”

You had looked up at the white-haired boy standing over you, holding out a plastic, orange water gun in one hand, his amber eyes bright and cheerful, his smile easy. It was a hot summer day at your daycare, and it was outside time, but you had sat in the shade, playing with a red toy car instead.

“I only have one, but we can share if you want~ You could spray me first, then I can spray you.”

You returned your gaze to the car in your hands as you thought about it.

“I don’t know you, though...”

Shiro had blinked perplexed, but his smile had quickly returned, and he plopped himself right down next to you.

“Then we can know each other first! I’m Yashiro Isana~ My favorite color is yellow, I’m five years old, and I like tigers. What about you?~”

You had looked over at the boy next to you, a bit taken back. Most kids didn’t like to play with you or talk to you; you were too boring, they always said. Yet this boy had come right up to you, extending an invitation to play, then sat beside you and talked to you when you pushed him away. Something about it had made you extremely happy, and you had smiled back to him a little.

“I’m ______. I like red, and I’m five, too. I like bears more than tigers, though.”

Shiro just simply smiled and laughed a bit, before looking at you earnestly.

“That’s pretty cool~ Well, now we know each other. You want to play water guns now?~”

You had nodded with a smile before standing up and taking the little water gun (which was already filled up) from his hand. You proceeded to chase him around all afternoon, spraying him with the little toy before it ran out, at which you both refilled it and switched turns. Even after it was time to go home for the day, you had played that way everyday during the summer, becoming the best of friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The memory warmed you inside, and you caught the gentle smile that was on your lips. They were much simpler times then. Oh, how things had changed since. You tucked the toy and its accompanying picture back into the box, returning the pictures, ring, and other little trinkets back into their place as well right after.

Once you had reached the last picture, you stopped and looked over it. It was the most recent Polaroid you had taken together maybe two months ago. In it you were both cuddled up in his bed, his arm wrapped around your shoulders and with you throwing a peace sign, both of you smiling wide. It was the day you had found out you were both going home soon. You were both so happy that you had spent all that night celebrating. There had been the best, most romantic dinner you could both conjure up, a little drinking, and lots of passionate love making, after which you talked about your future together once you both returned home.

Two months later, and here you were, plans changed thanks to that horrid battle.... alone thanks to that horrid battle....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

You barricaded yourself behind one of the technician alcoves with a couple others of your comrades, holding your gun to your body as you waited for the rain of bullets to cease to get some good shots. Once the pelting sound of bullets against metal stopped, you peeked around the corner, gun aimed, and shot off some rounds.

The enemy had parachuted onto the ship you were stationed on from some of their planes, with the intent to take out the fleet. They had destroyed the fighter jets on board, and had sent some ground fighters down to take out any of your squadron’s troops.

You quickly hid back behind your barricade, covering your head and ears as the sound of yet another fighter jet blowing up roared across the area. Shouting was prevalent as your commander shouted orders over the loudspeaker, as well as nearby comrades shouting for more ammo and to watch out, that the enemy was coming closer. The sound of enemy jets speeding overhead caused your skull to vibrate.

Once you were sure it was safe to do so, you quickly tried to sprint to a closer spot, trying not to look at the corpses that had fallen. However, you were quickly forced to hide behind a wall due to some keen enemy soldiers. Rifle soldiers from above you were firing back at the enemy, taking them down bit by bit. You noticed the stairway to the upper deck was near you, so you quickly hurried up them, hoping to get a better vantage point and some easier means of cover. Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest, and your breathing was heavy from exertion.

Upon reaching the upper deck, you saw a few still bodies, but among them, one stood out to you the most, and it caused you to feel a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, hate, desperation. You quickly hurried over to it, ducking low to avoid any bullets that might be fired at you, and fell to your knees upon reaching it.

It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be. Not him...

You felt sick to your stomach as you pulled Shiro’s body into your arms. Breathing, he was still breathing!.... You looked down at him alarmed, holding him tightly in your arms.

“Shiro... Shiro! Hey, look at me.... C’mon...!”

You watched as his chest heaved with each breath he took, his amber eyes cracking open to look at you. He didn’t look good, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself he did. His hair was messy from activity, his clothes were stained in places from blood, and some blood had trickled from his mouth down his chin.

“__-________.... I-I’m sorry...”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for...”

“I....I tried really hard...”

“I know... You did real good, baby...”

You shuddered a bit as you saw him wince and gasp to take in a shaky breath of air, almost as if he were a fish out of water.

“It hurts... Really bad...”

“I know... we’ll get you taken care of...”

With one arm elevating his body, you allowed your hand to shakily unbutton his uniform jacket, and felt your throat tighten up upon seeing two garish holes in his chest, dangerously close to his heart, and his blood staining the white shirt that laid upon it. It sickened you deep down; you didn’t want to see his blood. You didn’t want there to be two holes in his chest, and no matter how hard you looked at it, it wouldn’t go away. You returned your arm to around his body, looking down at his suffering expression.

“D-Don’t worry, love. We’ll get you to the medical wing... Satomi will fix you up, and you’ll be as good as new.... Then, once this is all over, we’ll go home.... W-We’ll go home and get married... Just like we planned....”

You could feel your eyes sting with tears as your denial became more and more prominent. He wasn’t going to die. There was no way that your love could die... not like this...

He looked up at you as he took unsteady breaths, and you could see his eyes glisten with tears as he smiled weakly.

“That’d be.... that’d be nice~....”

Your eyes flicked between his face and his arm as he raised it weakly to latch onto the back of your head, bringing you closer to him before he took your hand and intertwined your fingers together into a locked hold.

“There~.... I like this... much better....”

“Me too....”

You could see the tears that had gathered in his eyes roll down the sides of his face and his smile dissipate as his eyes darkened, and you felt your own tears escape and run down your cheeks as a sob welled up in your throat.

“I-I’m.... I’m scared....”

“Don’t worry, my love.... Just... Just close your beautiful eyes.... I’ll be right here.... I’ll stay right here with you.... Until the very end.....”

Your brows furrowed and you watched his eyes close, his breathing having had become faltering and labored, before closing your own eyes and resting your forehead gently against his, holding his hand and his body tightly to you. You didn’t know how long you stayed that way with him, but you could feel his body begin to turn cold, and you held back a sob by gritting your teeth tightly together. 

“I-I love you, Shiro.... I love you with everything.....”

“I-I.... I love... y-you, too.... _______......”

Not even a minute later, you could feel his hand go lax in yours, and the sob that you had been trying so hard to hold back burst from your throat. Your tears were like an endless stream, and you cried. You cried like you had never cried in your life, because he was gone. Shiro was gone......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

That.... Shiro’s death... was a month ago. Your hands were shaking as you returned to the present day. You realized that you had tears falling down your cheeks; you must have started crying while you were thinking back.

You looked into the mirror that sat on top of the small dresser, and you could’ve sworn to god that you saw Shiro sitting beside you, resting his head on your shoulder and looking right back at you with a sad, understanding smile, as if he were there in the flesh. You felt cold air surround you, sending chills down your back, with emphasis on the shoulder that you saw Shiro’s head resting upon as he looked at you with those gentle, amber eyes. He was there with you.... and right before your eyes, he vanished, and you tried desperately to grasp onto the image of him that you had just seen right before you, even reaching toward the mirror as if it would help.

A sob rose up in you, and as you went to quickly wipe your tears away, your wrist fell short of your eyes. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t fucking fair...!

 

Screw it... Screw trying to hide your feelings.... Screw trying to act like you’re okay...

 

You held onto the corner of the Polaroid in your hand tightly, leaning forward on the hand that you had tried to wipe your tears with, your head bowing low. You wished every day that you could go back and change it. You wished every day that it was just a horrible nightmare. It had to be. It just had to be... This wasn’t your reality.... This wasn’t what you had planned for..... yet no matter how much you wished it weren’t true, nothing was going to change the fact that he was forever gone.... out of your grasp....

'Wh-Why couldn’t it have been me....? Why couldn’t I be the one who had died?! Why Shiro? My perfect, beloved Shiro.... Why, why, WHY?!'

You didn’t know how long you sat like that, crying and holding onto the picture. It wasn’t until Kuroh came in from hearing your sobs that you snapped out of your inner thoughts and looked at him, tears staining your face. When he looked at you, he looked at you as if he knew, understood. He had been your best friend after all....

He crossed the room and knelt down beside you, pulling you into a tight, secure hug. You crumbled into his solid form, sobbing into him as you gripped his uniform tightly in your fist. It hurt him to see you this distraught, but he could understand. You had just lost the love of your life, and it was his job as your friend to be there for you, however long you needed him. He closed his eyes bowed his head a bit as you cried, holding you securely in his arms. Your eyes were shut tight as you bawled into his chest, your shoulders shaking violently.

“I-I miss him s-so much, Kuroh!......”

“.........I know...”

Nothing was going to be right again. Without Shiro by your side, you knew that life as you had known it had changed forever.... You’d never get to hold him again, kiss him again, touch him again... and you’d never be able to move on, because Shiro was your life.....

 

So when he died, so did you....


End file.
